Butts Swipes Toilet Paper Now Faces Jail Time

How do you like my headline? Ok, I just couldn't resist this news item.

Suzanne Marie Butts (yes, that's here real name) shoved three rolls of toilet paper from an Iowa courthouse in her shirt--and well, got busted.

According to the Associated Press, police are chuckling, but the theft charge could put her in prison.

At least the toilet paper is free there, yes?

Here's more from the AP reports:

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.

The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions.

Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there.

Apparently, police had plenty to go on:

My favorite news story was from Iowa's Times-Republican

"A woman was discovered taking toilet paper from the courthouse Monday, according to police reports, something she has apparently been adept at doing for a quite a while.

No one could remember exactly when, but toilet paper started disappearing at “unusually high rates,” even for county employees, said a source close to the problem. In other words, something didn’t smell quite right.

It had long ago been suspected that the problem was more than just overactive bowels, but no one could quite prove it. That is, until the culprit was caught red-handed by authorities.

“A courthouse employee saw her walk from a storeroom carrying a bag of toilet paper,” said Marshalltown Police Chief Lon Walker.

The woman allegedly involved in the situation, Suzanne Marie Butts, has been referred to as the toilet paper bandit by some county employees.

Though she apparently has a concern for hygiene, she may find herself in a messy situation."

Toilet paper can get pricey--especially if you use a lot. So I'll give Ms. Butts the Gastro Girl benefit of maybe having a digestive condition she just can't afford.